2017 December Lifestyle Tickle Tickle

Funnies

Arrested for Laughing

A young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus.
When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.

She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again, and then on seeing him laughing even more, she decided it was too much. She filed an official complaint against him.

In the court the man’s defense was:
When the lady boarded the bus I couldn’t help noticing she was pregnant.
She sat under an advertisement which read: “Coming Soon- The Unknown Boon”.

I was even more amused when she changed seat and sat under a shaving cream advertisement which read: “William’s Stick Did the Trick”.
Then I could not control myself any longer, when on the third move she sat under an advertisement which read: “Dunlop Rubber Would Have Prevented This Accident”.

The case was dismissed.  The judge fell off his chair laughing!

~ Celso Paguntalan

The Atheist

Little Lucy attended her first day in science class and met her science teacher who happened to be an atheist.  She challenged her class and asked, “who among you here would like to be an atheist?” Everyone raised their hands except Little Lucy. Perturbed, she questioned Lucy,” how come you didn’t raise your hands?” Little Lucy timidly replied,” my father and mother are both intelligent and Christians, so I am a Christian, too.” Annoyed, the science teacher challenged Little Lucy, ” what will happen to you if your father is a moron and your mother a belligerent fool?

Little Lucy replied, ” probably an atheist?”

~ Joan Dinopol

Poor in Math

A father tried to test his teenager son about his knowledge of mathematics.  He asked him, ” son what weighs more, a 100-pound girl or a 100-pound boy.”

Son replied,” Dad, that’s too easy. Of course, a 100-pound boy, yah!”

Dad in dismay said, “son, no wonder you’re struggling in math.”

~ Joan Dinopol

Conjugation

I guess, we all know what is ‘conjugation’ in our Latin or Spanish subject. In a Senior High class, Miss Kurdapia, the English teacher, asked: “Use ‘conjugate’ in a sentence.” Juan raised his hand, and having been recognized, answered in all self-confidence: “On my way to school, I saw two dogs conjugate.”

Flabbergasted, if not confused, Miss K exclaimed: “What’s the point, Juan?” Juan with all zest and gusto blurted: “No, Mam, you can’t see the point…because the POINT is INSIDE!!!”

~ Lydio Pedregosa

Gestured Places

Speaking of places where one comes from, I was once a guest of a crowd of dumb people, not stupid but speechless, they were pipi. I asked where each came from.

One hooked two fingers and I knew he came from Kawit, which means hook. Another knotted his fingers together like this, and I knew he came from Bohol, meaning knot. One made a cylinder with his left fingers and covered it with his right palm, and I knew he came from Tacloban, to cover. One scratched his belly, and I knew he was from Makati meaning itchy. Another made a motion that he came from Masbate. Dirty minds, I bet you thought he shook his right fist up and down like he was playing solitaire. No, you are wrong, he rubbed his two palms as if he was making “bate” a cup of Spanish chocolate. Then one made a cylinder with his left hand, and put his right finger into it, like this, and I know he came from Navotas (Na butas). And the last one made the same motion putting his finger in repeatedly! Aha, panay na panay, I said, you are from Panay!

~ Jimmy A. Cura

Pain stays home

As nurse I would routinely ask every patient if they are in pain the moment they walk in to our clinic. So, I asked this particular patient, Mr. X. “Sir, do you have any pain?” He answered nonchalantly. Yes, I left her at home!

~ Joan Dinopol

F***ING

Kamran Shala (Iran): Seven Golden Rules For F***ing:

1. F***ing twice a week is good for your health.
2. F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind and body.
3. F***ing refreshes you.
4. After f***ing don’t eat too much; go for more liquids.
5. When f***ing try to stay in bed because it can save you valuable energy.
6. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol level.
7. F***ing makes you more committed and you can be sensitive and receive graces from above.

SO REMEMBER – FASTING is good for your health.

May the Almighty cleanse your Mind if you were thinking of something else.

~ Jimmy A. Cura

Ted Fullona
“Fray Ted” entered the Dominican seminary in 1973 at Peñafort Hall in Aquinas University of Legaspi (now UST-Aquinas). After completing the novitiate at Villa Lizares in Jaro, Iloilo, Ted majored in English at Letran (and cross-enrolled for journalism in Lyceum), where he served as reporter for The Lance, vice-president of the Letran Chorale, and president of the Humanities Literary Circle, up to the time of his departure from College and the seminary in 1978. Ted briefly worked for a stock brokerage firm in Manila before joining Saudi Aramco in 1981. While there, he managed the publication of the weekly Oasis Times. He married Mayette in 1982 and two years later was blessed with an unico hijo, Thomas John. The family immigrated to Canada in 1988 where he landed a job at Cadbury. The computer knowledge he acquired from Aramco made Ted indispensable as Technical Support Coordinator. In 1990, he augmented his credentials in the field of Computer Systems at Sheridan College. In 1993 he founded Cadbury’s in-house graphics department where he catalyzed and transformed several in-house graphics systems. As graphics manager, he led his team in developing and designing advertising and marketing collateral for a variety of Cadbury iconic brands. Ted’s tenure with Cadbury, and later became Mondelez Canada Inc., was capped at 27 years when he took advantage of an early retirement offer in 2017. Not wanting to be sidelined, he attended George Brown College for a Copywriting course. Ted is now managing his own design company, Artyoom Inc., contracting product catalogs design projects and writing brand style books for a number of brands.

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