A lawyer, a priest and a politician hunt in the jungle and are captured by a tribe.
The tribal chief asks the lawyer, “What do you want on your back for your whipping?”
Lawyer responds, “Apply oil!”.
So they put oil on his back and whip him ten times. When he is finished, the lawyer has huge welts on his back and can hardly move.
The chief then asks the priest, “What do you want on your back?”
The priest replies, “Nothing!”
And he stands straight and takes ten lashings without a flinch.
The tribal chief then asks the politician, “What do you want on your back?”Politician shouts, “I want the priest!”
~ Fray Jo-Al Delgado
A little girl asked her mom, ” How did human race appear?” Mom replied, “God made Adam & Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.” Two days later, the girl asked the same question to her father. Dad answered, “Many years ago, there were monkeys from which human race evolved.” Confused, the little girl went back to Mom and asked: “How is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God and Dad said they developed from monkeys?” Mom replied, “Well, dear, it is very simple: I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his!”
~ Fray Joan Dinopol
1) A 90-year old man went to visit his doctor, excitedly announced: “Doc, I’m getting married next week!” Doc: “Oh, that’s wonderful; and how old is the bride?” Man: “She is 19.” Doc: “That’s fantastic. But I have to warn you, too much action in bed can be deadly.” Man: “Well, if she dies, then I shall have to re-marry.”
2) A little boy looks at his mommy at a wedding and asks: “Mommy, why is the girl dressed in white?” Mom: “The girl is called the Bride and she is in white because she’s very happy and today is the happiest day of her life.” Boy nods & says: “And why is the man in black?
3) Late one night, a robber wearing a mask stopped a well dressed man. “Give me your money”, he demanded. THe man scandalized replied: “You can’t do this, because I am a United States congressman!” “Oh, in that case,” the robber quipped, “give me MY money!”
4) Fat guy to thin guy: “When I see you, I’d think famine broke out.”
Thin guy to fat guy: “And when I see you, I’d think, you are responsible for that!
5) After years of loneliness, this guy finally worked a great dating strategy; he said, “I’ll pretend to be gay! I’m going to make tons of chick friends, really get them to trust me, tell me everything and when they haven’t got an ounce of suspicion left, BOOM! I’ll get their boyfriends!”
6) Police officer to man: “Sir, I don’t understand, you lost your credit card a year ago, why are you reporting it only now?” Man: “The thief was not spending as much as my wife used to!” Policeman: “So why now?” Man: “I think the thief’s wife got hold of it!”
7) Two men discussing their lives: Man #1: “I’m getting married. I’m sick of a messy apartment, dirty dishes and no clothes to wear.” Man #2: “Hey, I’m getting divorced for the same reason!”
~ Fray Joan Dinopol
At one of heaven’s gates, the line of men who were dominated on earth by their wives extended as far as the eye could see. At another gate with a sign ‘Only For Men Not Dominated by Their Wives’, only one man stood. St. Peter approached the lone man and asked, ‘What are you doing here?’ The man replied, ‘I don’t really know. My wife told me to stand here.’
~ Fray Lydio Pedregosa